How to ask & knowing when to say NO

Adding another person into your family is a HUGE change. Your entire life as you knew it is over and you need to mold yourself into this new person. Your relationship with your spouse, pets and other children will all change; for the better, but change non the less.

When JD was born my husband and I had been married for little over a year. We both worked tons of hours and spent most free nights and weekends out with friends and family. We had an old dog and two house cats and lived in a tiny old cape with many small rooms that we rented.  JD was the first grandson for my family and the first grandchild that lived in the state for my husband's family so everyone was super excited and wanted to see him. At the hospital we saw over 45 visitors, more than 20 the first day, and they continued to come over once we came home and stayed for hours. We were exhausted, hungry, and overwhelmed with the changes happening to our family unit.

My husband and I learned from our mistakes in having JD. When MJ was born we laid down some ground rules. 1. Only immediate family the first day, grand parents and our siblings only. 2. The second day call me at the hospital first if you want to come to find out if it is a good time to visit. 3. Family time for the first week home and then same rules as number 2 applied for once we got home. 4. If you are coming to visit, you must bring food :).

People forget what it is like to have a newborn in the house. I think it is a protective instinct so that humans continue to procreate because if you remembered the lack of a newborns schedule sleeping only 2 hours a clip, eating for 45 minutes, poop repeat, we would never have another.  You eat what is available, hence the importance of people bringing pre-made meals, because if not you'd eat just bread out of the bag because you are tired, dirty and only have 1 available hand.

So the moral of the story is that you need to be able to tell people no when appropriate and if people ask or even if they don't ask let them know what you need. If they are close enough to you to come see you at your worst to congratulate you on your newborn then they are close enough for you to feel comfortable asking for things that you need. If they are not then tell them NO.